


Do you like my cookies, they're made just for you, a little bit of sugar but lots of poison too

by JamesAeza



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Cookies, Fucked Up, Gen, M/M, Nightmares, Poison, Stars, Suicide, The Author Regrets Everything, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26059459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesAeza/pseuds/JamesAeza
Summary: Patton's planned demise keeps getting interrupted.
Relationships: Morality | Patton Sanders & Everyone
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	Do you like my cookies, they're made just for you, a little bit of sugar but lots of poison too

**Author's Note:**

> I think this song lyric was meant to be a metaphor but my hell brain heard it and went all in to an incredibly messed up story. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. Or cry. Or something.

3am. The gentle beep of the digital clock let Patton know that it was the beginning of a new hour. 

And the beginning of something much more sinister. 

He had just finished placing the chocolate chip cookies in the oven, trying to make himself forget what he’d put in them. 

Coward. That was what he was. He couldn’t even kill himself like someone normal, or as normal as a suicidal person could get. He had to pour poison into cookie batter and pretend this was nothing more than a late-night, or rather early-morning snack. 

He was only pretending for himself, but he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. 

He took a deep breath in, preparing himself for what was about to happen. He glanced over at the oven timer. 28:43 left. He’d waited this long. 

This plan was fragile. Almost as fragile as the cup he’d knocked on the ground in his nervousness. He froze, praying that no one would hear, but when he heard a rustling upstairs he knew his prayers had not been answered. 

_ Useless, awful, stupid, stupid, stupid- _

Nope. That was not what was going to happen right now. Just 27:52 seconds, and then he’d be rid of the thoughts for good. 

Unless his plan was foiled by meddling roommates. When he looked to see who was coming down, though, he let out a sigh of relief upon seeing Virgil. He stepped out of the kitchen, ready to talk an emo back into bed. Virgil was rubbing his bleary eyes with hoodie sleeves. 

“...Pat?”

“Mhm,” Patton gently placed a hand on Virgil’s back, beginning to guide him up the stairs and talk in a calming voice. “Sorry to wake you up kiddo, I was just- getting some water. It’s okay, you can go back to bed.”

By that point they were already in Virgil’s messily decorated room. Patton gently helped a disoriented Virgil into bed, dropping a kiss on his forehead before making his way to the door. 

“G’night, Pat,” he heard the gentle, sleepy voice call. 

He offered a tiny smile. “Goodbye, Virgil.”

24:23 suddenly felt like an eternity. He took a deep breath, settling himself on a kitchen chair. He just had to wait. It wasn’t too long. 

That was, until someone else made their way down the stairs, making it feel far longer. 

Patton groaned internally. This was going to be the most difficult of the three to deal with. 

“Patton? What are you doing up at this hour?”

“I could ask you the same thing. Is- is something wrong?”

It took him a moment to notice that Roman’s eyes were red and puffy. Roman sighed. 

“I mean, yeah. I wasn’t expecting you to be down here though, sorry to bug you with it.”

“No no, not at all.” Patton gently patted the seat next to him, and Roman smiled a little, sitting down. 

Roman ran a hand through his hair before beginning. “I have these… dreams. And I know they’re stupid, I mean hell, I’m twenty four. That’s too old to be dreaming about monsters under the bed whispering to you.”

“Aw, Roman.” Patton’s heart ached at knowing what his friend must experience. “You’re never too old to be scared, your fear will never be silly.”

Roman gave a little smile. “Thanks. Give me a second and I’ll be out of your hair, I just need a quick breather.”

Patton nodded sympathetically. “You want some hot chocolate?”

Roman would never have refused that, even in the heat of summer. He quickly accepted, and after Patton supplied a mug, he finished it quickly. After placing it in the sink, he offered one of his trademark big Roman smiles. Then he hugged Patton tightly, whispering a small “thank you,” and heading back to his room. 

Patton smiled for a moment. Helping others almost made him feel good, especially these three men. 

Then he remembered what he was here for. 

14:59.

He sighed. The wait was agony. At least he’d most likely be alone for the rest of it. 

Was he sure that was what he wanted? Did it matter? It wasn’t like he could get someone to sit with him for his last moments before a planned suicide. 

He flinched at the crude term, but that was what it was. He almost couldn’t believe he was actually doing it, really following through. 

14:22 and he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. 

That was, until a third figure found its way into the kitchen. 

“I… Patton?”

Patton’s head quickly snapped over, taking in that this was in fact his third roommate, Logan. 

Logan glanced around the small room. “Are you baking cookies at 3:15 in the morning? And… why?”

Patton offered a little, nervous smile. “Oh, you know me. Stress… baking.” the excuse sounded stupid even as he said it. “What are you doing up?”

“...oh.” Logan turned a little pink at that, as if he was ashamed of what he was doing so early. 

That would make two. 

“C’mon, Lo.” Patton smiled at him. “You can tell me. What’re you up to?”

“Well… promise you won’t tell anyone?”

“Pinky promise.”

Logan offered a little smile. “I.. I like to look at the stars.”

“Aww, Logan! That’s not silly at all! That’s really…”

_ Endearing. Adorable. Loveabl- _

“Cool.”

“Ah.” Logan’s blush had deepened a little as he rapidly asked his next question. “Would you like to look?”

“Would I!” Patton jumped to his feet, following Logan out the front door and into the soft grass. Logan sat on the ground, Patton joining him enthusiastically, and he began to point at the stars. 

They stayed that way until Patton remembered the cookies. “Oh! I really enjoyed this Lo, but I gotta go get the cookies.” He headed back to the door, but when he was half inside, Logan spoke, and Patton was surprised to see that there was still a pale pink dusting his cheeks. 

“This was… pleasant, with company. Perhaps you could join me again sometime.”

All the response Patton could give was a sad smile as he let himself back inside. 

1:03. Patton sat down, sure that he could wait out the last of the time. He watched the clock as it counted backwards, towards what he’d promised himself. 

Finally, it was done. It had taken long enough. 

He’d only baked one cookie, one that was enough to knock him out for the rest of eternity. 

He was ready. 

He was pretty sure, at least. 

He took it back upstairs to his room. He carefully placed his note on the door, so they wouldn’t have to come in and look at his corpse if they didn’t want to. 

He took a deep breath in as he prepared himself. He was taking away his own future, friendships, any chance he might have had. 

But this was what he needed. 

The first bite of cookie tasted odd, but he’d expected as much. It was a little hard too, didn’t bake quite right. Not that there would be any notes written for what to fix in the future. 

He kept pressing, enjoying the chocolate chips scattered throughout. He didn’t want to eat the whole thing, but he kept taking bites, chewing, swallowing. 

He mentally said goodbye to the three men he loved more than anything. 

He popped the last bit into his mouth, lying on his bed and shutting his eyes. 

He’d always loved cookies anyway. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, that was a shit ton of projection. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you thought, good or bad!


End file.
